Difficulty: Beginner | Time: 15-45 minutes | Best for: Processing emotions, saying unsaid things
An unsent letter is exactly what it sounds like: a letter written with the full intention of never sending it. This technique creates a safe space to express thoughts, feelings, and truths that might be inappropriate, harmful, or impossible to communicate directly to the recipient.
The power of unsent letters lies in the permission they give you to be completely honest without consequences. You can express love, anger, grief, forgiveness, gratitude, or frustration without worrying about the other person's reaction or the impact on your relationship. This often leads to emotional release, clarity, and sometimes surprising insights about what you really need or want.
Unsent letters aren't limited to people—you can write to anything that feels significant: a place, a pet, an illness, a job, a dream, even abstract concepts like "my anxiety" or "my creativity."
Choose your recipient: This can be a person (living or dead), place, thing, concept, or even part of yourself
Start with "Dear...": Use the traditional letter format to create psychological safety
Write freely: Express everything you want to say without censoring or editing
Be completely honest: This is your space to say things you normally couldn't or wouldn't
Include everything: Gratitude, anger, questions, memories, hopes, regrets—let it all out
Don't worry about being "nice": You're not actually sending this
Consider the ending: How do you want to sign off? With love? Anger? Peace?
Decide what to do with it: Keep it, burn it, bury it, or save parts to potentially share later
The Temptation to Send: You might discover portions you do want to communicate. If so, write a separate, carefully considered message for actual sending. Never send the raw unsent letter.
Emotional Intensity: These letters can bring up powerful feelings. Give yourself time and space to process what emerges.
Follow-up Processing: Often what you learn about yourself through writing is more valuable than what you say about the recipient.
People:
Non-People:
"Dear Dad,
It's been three years since you died, and I still find myself wanting to call you when something good happens. I'm angry that you smoked for forty years and left us too early, but I'm also grateful for every weird little thing you taught me about fixing cars and being stubborn about the things that matter..."