Difficulty: Intermediate | Time: 20-40 minutes | Best for: Understanding relationships, self-discovery
The Portrait Technique involves writing a detailed, honest description of someone important in your life—whether a friend, family member, romantic partner, colleague, or even someone you've had conflict with. This isn't about creating a flattering summary, but rather painting a complete picture that captures the complexity of who they are and how you experience them.
The surprising power of this technique lies in its mirror effect: what you choose to notice, emphasize, or overlook in someone else often reveals as much about your own values, fears, desires, and blind spots as it does about them. Your portraits become windows into your own psyche.
Choose your subject: Pick someone who evokes strong feelings—positive, negative, or complex
Write freely: Describe them as if introducing them to a stranger who's never met them
Include physical details: How they look, move, speak, dress
Capture their essence: What makes them uniquely themselves? Their habits, quirks, patterns
Be honest: Include both positive and challenging aspects—real people are complex
Notice your emotions: What feelings arise as you write about different aspects of them?
Let it sit: Wait a day or two before reviewing what you've written
Physical Presence: How do they move through the world? What do you notice first about them?
Personality Traits: What patterns do you see in how they handle stress, joy, conflict, or success?
Your Dynamic: How do you feel around them? How do they bring out different sides of you?
Their Impact: How has knowing them changed you or affected your life?
Contradictions: What surprising or contradictory aspects make them human?
"Sarah has this way of tilting her head when she's really listening that makes you feel like you're the only person in the world. But she also has this habit of checking her phone mid-conversation that drives me crazy. She's incredibly generous with her time for causes she cares about, but can be surprisingly stingy with emotional support when I'm struggling. There's something about her confidence that I admire and envy at the same time..."
After writing your portrait, explore these questions:
What attracted you most? List the qualities you described positively. Do any of these reflect strengths you see in yourself or wish to develop?
What challenged you? What qualities did you describe negatively? Do any of these reflect patterns you recognize (or resist) in yourself?
What did you emphasize? What aspects got the most attention in your portrait? What does this reveal about your current priorities or concerns?
What did you avoid? What aspects of this person did you skip over or minimize? What might this reveal?
How do you show up? Based on your portrait, how do you think this person would describe you?